Like Vinegar on Soda
The
Book of Proverbs advises its readers about making wise choices. It also advises
us about not making unwise choices. Here in Proverbs 25:20 we are advised NOT to
sing songs to someone with a heavy heart. In fact, we are cautioned about the
absurdity of doing so. Singing cheerful songs to a person with a
heavy heart is like taking someone’s coat in cold weather or pouring vinegar on
soda.
Have
you ever struggled with what to say or do for persons experiencing a difficult
time such as illness, accident, job loss, divorce or death? This
proverb describes an all-too-human problem each of us faces from time to time.
We want to reach out and help those who are hurting—but the words or actions we
use may unintentionally add to their burden instead of easing their pain.
Instinctively, we want to cheer up those with heavy
hearts. We may think that our cheerful songs will “rub off on them” and cheer
them up. But this proverb tells us that signing happy songs to struggling
people can often be cruel – as cruel as taking away their coat on a cold day.
This makes them feel exposed, alone, misunderstood and unprotected. It can also
be inflaming – like pouring vinegar on soda which leads to an eruption. When we
try to make sad people happy, our efforts to cheer them up may seem heartless
and could cause an emotional outburst.
When someone is trying to come to terms with loss,
rushing the process is never helpful. People need space to grieve and to
process what they’re facing. So, instead of singing happy songs to a heavy
heart, try just sitting with them and just listening. Pray for them. Offer
words of empathy and encouragement – reminding them that the Lord is with them
in the fire (Isaiah 43:2). It is okay to remain quiet if the Lord doesn’t give
you words to share. If your heavy-hearted friend speaks, let them do so without judging, interrupting, or correcting them. Let them share their thoughts and
name their struggles.
Just sitting with your friend tells them you feel their
pain and are willing to draw close to them in time of need. It also reminds them that the Lord sees their
pain and He will never leave them. And always pray for them – pray for God’s
comfort and encouragement. Trust them to the Lord, and, in due time, He will
turn their “mourning into joy” (Jeremiah 31:3).